[That's also what she wanted to hear. Regardless of what happens or what he knows, it really seems like he trusts her completely. But that isn't the only reason she asked.]
I know this sounds silly, but I just wanted to make sure that I'm not still dreaming.
[There's so much more to the question than that. But that's not really something she wants to delve into yet. For now, her arms remain firm around him, keeping him close, and allowing his warmth to comfort her.]
[And as awkward as it is, maybe that's... actually a valid fear. Because she's right: they are still dreaming. Like Alvin, he could wake up and disappear without warning. And he'd have no way of communicating with her after that.
It's a frustrating reality. And it's one that would be pretty unkind to deny to her. Always always staying with her isn't a promise he can make to that end, no matter how true his intention is.]
The dreamscape's over... [he starts. Easy confirmations first.] Let's... go sit down, huh? C'mon...
[Keeping his arm around her, Marui turns and guides her towards the spot of floor where a few months ago they'd cuddled under a blanket and talked about Alvin's disappearance.]
[And that's exactly another fear that's been worrying her- one of them, anyway. But that's a whole other issue to tackle, and not the source of her grief at the moment.
One struggle at a time.
She lets out a breath when he speaks aloud the confirmation, nodding slowly at his suggestion.]
Mm...
[They reach the spot, and she sinks to the floor beside him, inwardly berating herself for letting something that wasn't real get to her. But the reality is, this place is as "real" as any dreamscape they get tossed into. These worlds are all something of a dream either way...
She glances at him sheepishly.]
Sorry. I know I shouldn't let it bother me.
[He's going to probably be annoyed that she's apologizing for feeling bad, but she can't help it, and before he can say anything she cuts in--]
And, I know, I have nothing to apologize for, but just let me, okay?
[There's no awkwardness this time getting settled; Marui helps himself to sitting right by her hip with his arm around her in invitation for her to lean on him, literally and figuratively alike.
It's strange how she wants to apologize when she knows there's nothing to apologize for, if kind of cute. Is she feeling self-conscious? Marui thinks back to how she could be earlier on in their friendship: stubbornly independent, not wanting to accept help even when it was obvious she needed it, like when she hurt her leg. It's much different now-- one look at her accepting cuddles in the first place speaks to her growth on that point. But it'd be reasonable to conclude the root source of that mentality hasn't disappeared.]
Sure. You can tell me whatever you want. [He tips his head forward for a better look at her, offering a warm smile.] But you know, you were pretty cool back there. The way you never gave up, and fought to the very end. It takes a strong spirit to spit in the face of a fated script like that. [He grins.] You really showed 'em.
[He's trying to make her feel better. She appreciates it, really. And maybe tomorrow she'll be able to use those words to motivate her into picking herself up. But, today... they get tucked away for safe-keeping. Today, she needs the time to let all his encouragement sink in and settle. Tomorrow will be better.
Today, she just has to come to grips with the fact that she failed. And that her failing had been a necessity for this world.
She nods slowly, leaning into him, practically nuzzling closer.]
Yeah. Too bad it wasn't enough.
[A thought occurs to her, and she tilts her head to look in his direction, sort of thankful she can't see his whole face.]
Wait, does that mean you saw... everything?
[She doesn't recall him there, but then again, her focus had been entirely on Jude.]
[It's not completely true. It was enough, at least as far as the real goal was concerned. Naturally, though, Leia's focus is on the personal stakes, the outcome that wasn't changeable. Maybe not the happiest focus, but probably the healthiest. Anyone who could compartmentalize to the extent it would take to dismiss that experience and celebrate that the real goal was a success had an entirely separate problem. Just trying to imagine what kind of effect it'd have on him if it'd been him trying and failing to save one of his brothers-- it's enough to piss him off all over again. Of course it can't be written off as just a play.
He breaks away from that train of thought, because it's not constructive right now, and instead rubs her arm.]
...Yeah. I saw. When Paris learned of the Capulet army sent after them, he tried to get there first.
[Her and Jude were doomed to die with each other as Romeo and Juliet. But she hoped that Marui had at least been spared witnessing it. So she doesn't have to admit that to him, but it doesn't make her feel any better. She can still feel that sword going through her chest, and she looks back down at her hands.
She nearly apologizes again, but doesn't. He knows. Though she does wonder if he's upset at her for what she did.]
You're not going to accuse me of being reckless?
[Not that she'd blame him. There hadn't been a second of hesitation. When that soldier came at Jude, she leapt in front of him.
And she'd do it again.
It's not that she wants to die, or doesn't care about her life. But she knows if she doesn't try whatever she can to keep him safe, she would never forgive herself.]
[He does know. She wouldn't have wished that kind of memory on him, no more than he wished the ones she has on her. Nothing to be done about either one, and it's fine that way. They're both strong enough to handle what they've been through.]
Accuse...? When you say it like that, it sounds like you did something wrong.
No. At least, I don't think I did. [she briefly wonders what Jude must be thinking after that.] But diving in headfirst is kinda my thing. And I know that can be alarming.
[It's not that she thinks it was wrong, but she can see where someone might get mad at her for sacrificing herself.]
Times like that, recklessness isn't the issue. Your body acts on its own doesn't it?
[Because there's no time to think about it. There's a stimulus and a response, nothing more. And anyway, it isn't like he'd have done any differently in her shoes.]
Course I am. Isn't it ingenious not to make promises about my reaction to something that hasn't happened yet?
[He gives her a little squeeze.]
But... I can tell you this: you have as much right to live without regrets as anyone else. If you're following your heart, I'll support you 100%. Wherever it leads you.
[It's not that she's asking for his exact reaction. It's complicated. She just wants to know if he's simply accepting her 'recklessness' because she didn't actually end up hurt.
But it soon doesn't matter, because what he ends up saying is actually all she needs to know. She closes her eyes, letting that sink in for a moment, smiling softly.]
... Thanks. I think that's what I needed to hear.
[She tilts her head and plants a small kiss on his jaw before settling back against him.]
[Well, somehow or another it looks like they've gotten their messages across. Marui returns the kiss to her cheek and settles back alongside her with a smile. There's plenty that he could say, but for once he keeps his mouth closed, letting her have a minute of quiet. She's probably still trying to digest it all. As long as she knows he's here for her, she can take however long she needs.]
[The quiet understanding is... nice. Needed. Already she's feeling a little bit better. Being able to just listen to the silence, the scurrying of the dust bunnies, Marui's gentle breathing, and the wind rustling the leaves outside, she can tell her mind is clearer than it had been earlier. While it'll take time to get these images out of her head, to get over her failure, scripted or not, it all feels a little easier not being constantly plagued by thoughts and doubts.
More noticeably, is how warm her face feels after a simple exchange of kisses between them. The way her heart still beats strongly in her chest. It tells her that perhaps what she felt for Jude in that dreamscape had been more Juliet than her after all. Because what she's feeling for Marui in this moment eclipses those other feelings that seemed to persist throughout that ordeal.
She's quiet for a time, then before she knows it, she's opening her mouth, the words tumbling out.]
You know, that wasn't the first time I took a hit meant for Jude...
[She's never really spoken with anyone about this particular incident. And she doesn't quite know why she feels so inclined to do so now, but it feels relevant to her other concern regarding Jude.]
[It's a nice quiet, really. Comfortable. Marui isn't really the type to introspect or to seek out moments like this, but sitting there and cuddling together makes him feel warm inside. He's happy just having her company.
When she does break the silence, it's a curious topic she introduces. He leans forward a little so that he can see her face better when he turns his head towards her.]
[Up until now, the only people that knew all these details were Jude and Alvin. It's not particularly a great topic, for anyone involved.
But.
She takes a deep breath.]
Kind of a long story. But... at the time we thought our friend Milla, the woman that Jude's really into, had died. Jude was pretty inconsolable for days. I tried my best to take care of him and convince him to keep going, to finish what Milla started, but he wouldn't budge. He wouldn't eat, he barely slept. We all got separated shortly before, and I tried to reach out to everyone, hoping that if we regrouped and kept going that he'd at least focus on the mission.
Then Alvin showed up.
Back then Alvin was... really messed up. And not on anyone's side but his own. He lied to us a lot and betrayed us countless times, but Jude always gave him another chance. We had recently found out that our world was separated into two- Rieze Maxia and Elympios. Alvin was from Elympios and had gotten trapped in Rieze Maxia when the schism was put into place to prevent Elympios's decaying world from spreading to our own. Apparently, he made a deal with Muzet that if he killed us, she'd send him back home.
So I fought him off. I knocked the gun out of his hand right before he was about to shoot Jude, then I grabbed Jude and tried to run. Alvin and I fought for a while, with Jude still completely out of it. And just when I thought we had finally escaped, and I had managed to get through to Jude, I was shot by Alvin as I was pulling Jude to his feet. I don't really remember much after that. Jude and Alvin fought... and Alvin left.
I think he was hoping he'd just have to kill Jude and be done with it, and that would destroy our morale. But once he actually shot one of us, he realized he couldn't do it and ran off.
[There's more detail than is necessary, but she just wants to make it clear that Alvin was a different person back then. He's nothing like that now.
More importantly...]
Anyhow, I only mentioned this because I'm sure Jude feels just as bad. He's had to watch me almost die twice. But I just couldn't bring myself to confront him when I woke up.
Loyalty matters to Marui. It's a quality that he never consciously thought about in terms of his attraction to her, but one he's valued in her from the start. That prerequisite talk before officiating any status between them, when Leia made clear that she would not stand for her loyalties being tested when it came to Jude. It was ironic in a way. Rather than shake his interest in her, it more likely cemented it. It was an affirmation that her heart was as loyal as his own. Assertively so.
He's never felt an inkling of doubt about her since. He already knows she's the sort of person who would never abandon or betray the people she cares about.
To that point, it's hardly surprising to hear that the dreamscape wasn't the first time she's shown that loyalty to Jude to such a degree, though it's stunning (if a bit horrifying) to hear the specifics themselves. What a badass, though! Knocking a gun right out of someone's hand and then fighting him off while protecting a loved one. It's like something out of an action movie, and in a less serious conversation, he could easily get sucked into chasing that delicious morsel of utter coolness.
Unfortunately, there are heavier implications to the tale: Leia's loyalty throws Alvin's lack thereof into even sharper relief. He doesn't comment on it, because that's not what this conversation is about, but it's probably too much to hope that Marui will extend that same charitable outlook towards Alvin given the multiple instances of betrayal that occurred, the lack of any context for how he'd atoned for them, and the severity of the transgressions themselves.]
Leia...
[Without saying anything further about it, he takes a moment to recenter. This conversation is about Leia and Jude. Their friendship, their shared trials, and the painful memories that this dreamscape summoned up that went even beyond what Marui already knew was there. It's about the angst she's having over not going straight to Jude to talk to him about it all, either's readiness to do so be damned.]
You two have a lot of history together. Do you really need to talk about it right away? You already understand how he feels. I'm sure he understands your feelings, too. Try and give yourself some time. It's okay to do that.
[She couldn't start a conversation with Jude, at the moment, even if she wanted to because she's still not quite sure what to say.]
I also want to make sure he's okay. I imagine he's probably pretty worried too.
[And maybe that's all that needs to be said. Except it wouldn't do much good to show up while still visibly shaken. It'll just give Jude more to worry about, and potentially more to nag her over.
She leans her head against his shoulder, scooting in closer. Much like they were the last time they were sitting in this exact spot.]
But, you're right... I can stay here for a bit longer.
[Sometimes it's okay to slow down a little and get one's head straight. That's not typically what she does, though, but she can make an exception this time. Besides, being near Marui can have a calming effect on her. Sometimes. When he's not being too obnoxious.]
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I know this sounds silly, but I just wanted to make sure that I'm not still dreaming.
[There's so much more to the question than that. But that's not really something she wants to delve into yet. For now, her arms remain firm around him, keeping him close, and allowing his warmth to comfort her.]
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It's a frustrating reality. And it's one that would be pretty unkind to deny to her. Always always staying with her isn't a promise he can make to that end, no matter how true his intention is.]
The dreamscape's over... [he starts. Easy confirmations first.] Let's... go sit down, huh? C'mon...
[Keeping his arm around her, Marui turns and guides her towards the spot of floor where a few months ago they'd cuddled under a blanket and talked about Alvin's disappearance.]
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One struggle at a time.
She lets out a breath when he speaks aloud the confirmation, nodding slowly at his suggestion.]
Mm...
[They reach the spot, and she sinks to the floor beside him, inwardly berating herself for letting something that wasn't real get to her. But the reality is, this place is as "real" as any dreamscape they get tossed into. These worlds are all something of a dream either way...
She glances at him sheepishly.]
Sorry. I know I shouldn't let it bother me.
[He's going to probably be annoyed that she's apologizing for feeling bad, but she can't help it, and before he can say anything she cuts in--]
And, I know, I have nothing to apologize for, but just let me, okay?
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It's strange how she wants to apologize when she knows there's nothing to apologize for, if kind of cute. Is she feeling self-conscious? Marui thinks back to how she could be earlier on in their friendship: stubbornly independent, not wanting to accept help even when it was obvious she needed it, like when she hurt her leg. It's much different now-- one look at her accepting cuddles in the first place speaks to her growth on that point. But it'd be reasonable to conclude the root source of that mentality hasn't disappeared.]
Sure. You can tell me whatever you want. [He tips his head forward for a better look at her, offering a warm smile.] But you know, you were pretty cool back there. The way you never gave up, and fought to the very end. It takes a strong spirit to spit in the face of a fated script like that. [He grins.] You really showed 'em.
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Today, she just has to come to grips with the fact that she failed. And that her failing had been a necessity for this world.
She nods slowly, leaning into him, practically nuzzling closer.]
Yeah. Too bad it wasn't enough.
[A thought occurs to her, and she tilts her head to look in his direction, sort of thankful she can't see his whole face.]
Wait, does that mean you saw... everything?
[She doesn't recall him there, but then again, her focus had been entirely on Jude.]
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He breaks away from that train of thought, because it's not constructive right now, and instead rubs her arm.]
...Yeah. I saw. When Paris learned of the Capulet army sent after them, he tried to get there first.
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She nearly apologizes again, but doesn't. He knows. Though she does wonder if he's upset at her for what she did.]
You're not going to accuse me of being reckless?
[Not that she'd blame him. There hadn't been a second of hesitation. When that soldier came at Jude, she leapt in front of him.
And she'd do it again.
It's not that she wants to die, or doesn't care about her life. But she knows if she doesn't try whatever she can to keep him safe, she would never forgive herself.]
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Accuse...? When you say it like that, it sounds like you did something wrong.
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[It's not that she thinks it was wrong, but she can see where someone might get mad at her for sacrificing herself.]
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[Because there's no time to think about it. There's a stimulus and a response, nothing more. And anyway, it isn't like he'd have done any differently in her shoes.]
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[It's a valid question. She's curious if he'd be as accepting.]
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Huh? What does that have to do with it?
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[Because while she appreciates how understanding he is, she wants to know if there's some kind of limit.]
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I'm saying I don't understand your question. Do I still think it'd be instinct? Of course I do.
[Because of course how he feels is going to be different if she goes and actually dies on him. One situation has grief in it and the other doesn't.]
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I'm asking if you'd still be as understanding.
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I dunno. If it ever happens, try and ask me again.
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[DOUBT.
But okay, she's teasing him. That's something at least?]
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Course I am. Isn't it ingenious not to make promises about my reaction to something that hasn't happened yet?
[He gives her a little squeeze.]
But... I can tell you this: you have as much right to live without regrets as anyone else. If you're following your heart, I'll support you 100%. Wherever it leads you.
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But it soon doesn't matter, because what he ends up saying is actually all she needs to know. She closes her eyes, letting that sink in for a moment, smiling softly.]
... Thanks. I think that's what I needed to hear.
[She tilts her head and plants a small kiss on his jaw before settling back against him.]
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More noticeably, is how warm her face feels after a simple exchange of kisses between them. The way her heart still beats strongly in her chest. It tells her that perhaps what she felt for Jude in that dreamscape had been more Juliet than her after all. Because what she's feeling for Marui in this moment eclipses those other feelings that seemed to persist throughout that ordeal.
She's quiet for a time, then before she knows it, she's opening her mouth, the words tumbling out.]
You know, that wasn't the first time I took a hit meant for Jude...
[She's never really spoken with anyone about this particular incident. And she doesn't quite know why she feels so inclined to do so now, but it feels relevant to her other concern regarding Jude.]
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When she does break the silence, it's a curious topic she introduces. He leans forward a little so that he can see her face better when he turns his head towards her.]
What happened...?
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But.
She takes a deep breath.]
Kind of a long story. But... at the time we thought our friend Milla, the woman that Jude's really into, had died. Jude was pretty inconsolable for days. I tried my best to take care of him and convince him to keep going, to finish what Milla started, but he wouldn't budge. He wouldn't eat, he barely slept. We all got separated shortly before, and I tried to reach out to everyone, hoping that if we regrouped and kept going that he'd at least focus on the mission.
Then Alvin showed up.
Back then Alvin was... really messed up. And not on anyone's side but his own. He lied to us a lot and betrayed us countless times, but Jude always gave him another chance. We had recently found out that our world was separated into two- Rieze Maxia and Elympios. Alvin was from Elympios and had gotten trapped in Rieze Maxia when the schism was put into place to prevent Elympios's decaying world from spreading to our own. Apparently, he made a deal with Muzet that if he killed us, she'd send him back home.
So I fought him off. I knocked the gun out of his hand right before he was about to shoot Jude, then I grabbed Jude and tried to run. Alvin and I fought for a while, with Jude still completely out of it. And just when I thought we had finally escaped, and I had managed to get through to Jude, I was shot by Alvin as I was pulling Jude to his feet. I don't really remember much after that. Jude and Alvin fought... and Alvin left.
I think he was hoping he'd just have to kill Jude and be done with it, and that would destroy our morale. But once he actually shot one of us, he realized he couldn't do it and ran off.
[There's more detail than is necessary, but she just wants to make it clear that Alvin was a different person back then. He's nothing like that now.
More importantly...]
Anyhow, I only mentioned this because I'm sure Jude feels just as bad. He's had to watch me almost die twice. But I just couldn't bring myself to confront him when I woke up.
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Loyalty matters to Marui. It's a quality that he never consciously thought about in terms of his attraction to her, but one he's valued in her from the start. That prerequisite talk before officiating any status between them, when Leia made clear that she would not stand for her loyalties being tested when it came to Jude. It was ironic in a way. Rather than shake his interest in her, it more likely cemented it. It was an affirmation that her heart was as loyal as his own. Assertively so.
He's never felt an inkling of doubt about her since. He already knows she's the sort of person who would never abandon or betray the people she cares about.
To that point, it's hardly surprising to hear that the dreamscape wasn't the first time she's shown that loyalty to Jude to such a degree, though it's stunning (if a bit horrifying) to hear the specifics themselves. What a badass, though! Knocking a gun right out of someone's hand and then fighting him off while protecting a loved one. It's like something out of an action movie, and in a less serious conversation, he could easily get sucked into chasing that delicious morsel of utter coolness.
Unfortunately, there are heavier implications to the tale: Leia's loyalty throws Alvin's lack thereof into even sharper relief. He doesn't comment on it, because that's not what this conversation is about, but it's probably too much to hope that Marui will extend that same charitable outlook towards Alvin given the multiple instances of betrayal that occurred, the lack of any context for how he'd atoned for them, and the severity of the transgressions themselves.]
Leia...
[Without saying anything further about it, he takes a moment to recenter. This conversation is about Leia and Jude. Their friendship, their shared trials, and the painful memories that this dreamscape summoned up that went even beyond what Marui already knew was there. It's about the angst she's having over not going straight to Jude to talk to him about it all, either's readiness to do so be damned.]
You two have a lot of history together. Do you really need to talk about it right away? You already understand how he feels. I'm sure he understands your feelings, too. Try and give yourself some time. It's okay to do that.
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I also want to make sure he's okay. I imagine he's probably pretty worried too.
[And maybe that's all that needs to be said. Except it wouldn't do much good to show up while still visibly shaken. It'll just give Jude more to worry about, and potentially more to nag her over.
She leans her head against his shoulder, scooting in closer. Much like they were the last time they were sitting in this exact spot.]
But, you're right... I can stay here for a bit longer.
[Sometimes it's okay to slow down a little and get one's head straight. That's not typically what she does, though, but she can make an exception this time. Besides, being near Marui can have a calming effect on her. Sometimes. When he's not being too obnoxious.]
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