ragingscoopaholic | Inbox; contact (IC)

[Leia.

It's the first thought he has on waking up on the kitchen floor of their house with an overturned bowl of cake batter beside him. He grimaces at the sight but it's only a moment's thought before he pushes himself to his feet and tries to get a sense of the time of day. Late morning, by his estimation. It was evening when he was making the cake. Leia was at work. Right.

He walks straight to The Wild Harvest without even stopping to clean up the batter. Leia doesn't seem to be there anymore. Did she wake up before him and sneak into her room? That... probably would have been a smart check to do before he left. Well, too late for that now.

Okay. Rather than run around blindly, maybe he should try to contact her. He summons his journal and sends her a message:]

Where are you? I'm looking.

[The minutes pass without response. He reaches their home again and the message remains unanswered. He checks all the rooms, around the surrounding area. Nothing. Jeez, where did she go...?

The sight of that sword plunging into her chest flashes before his eyes. It's a memory he could have done without, frankly. It's a memory all three of them could have done without. He stops and closes his eyes to take a deep breath, recentering himself.

Okay. She's not at work. She's not at home. After what she went through, she probably wants a quiet place to digest it, so most likely he can skip searching elsewhere around town. Maybe he'll try that field where they had that fateful snowball fight.]

[When she came to on the floor of the Wild Harvest, she found herself gasping for air and instinctively touching her chest. She's fine, physically, it seems, but she could still vividly recall taking her last breath and a searing pain in her chest. A searing pain that felt all too familiar to her, though far more intense than when Alvin had shot her. The pain is gone, however, as is the unsightly wound... her breathing is a little erratic, as if she had awakened from a nightmare. And that's because she has, technically. A nightmare that had been very real and a true nightmare in every sense of the word. It toyed with old feelings she had for Jude, then put her loyalty and love for him to the test. These dreamscapes have always been so involved and every bit as real as when they're awake, so it's never easy to brush them off. Though they leave no physical scars, the emotional ones that are left behind are far worse, in some cases.

This dreamscape, in particular, is one of those cases.

She squeezes her eyes shut and all she can see is Jude dying right beside her. With her. Feeling the press of his still warm hand in hers from when she reached for him, as if holding him would keep him with her despite their senseless deaths. She looks down at her hand, the phantom weight of his own still present, and takes a shuddering breath. Normally the energetic workaholic, she suddenly felt so drained of energy. And not wanting to leave a bad impression on her coworkers and customers, she shakily gets to her feet, trying her best to outwardly appear fine, just out of sorts, and excuses herself from her shift, saying she doesn't feel well.

When she leaves the building, she allows her back to sink heavily against the wall, overwhelmed with the burden of such heavy emotions, and unsure of how to put everything behind her. It should be easy to shake off, right? It's nothing more than a nightmare. A very, very bad nightmare. And yet there's so much going through her head right now, leaving her exhausted, disheartened, and... feeling guilty.

Before she knows it, she's walking in a direction, no real destination in mind. At some point, she thinks she hears her journal make a noise, but she ignores it. Whomever is trying to contact her won't get a reply. Strangely, for once, she has nothing to say, and doesn't want to burden anyone with the weight she's feeling right now. It's her problem to sort out. But it's a lot to sort out. It's not just Jude's death that is plaguing her, it's how she felt for him. No doubt her feelings were influenced by Juliet, the role forced upon her, but it's difficult to tell where Juliet's feelings began... and her own feelings ended. They almost seemed to be entangled together. She might have moved on from Jude and is dating Marui, someone she cares for deeply, but Jude is always going to be special to her. Different. And maybe Juliet's feelings kicked up some of her old ones.

Like the regret of never telling Jude how she felt.

It shouldn't matter anymore, but it does... somehow. She wants to be with Marui, but she can't deny that feeling of disappointment when she couldn't kiss Jude. Was it Juliet, or her, that felt that way? Why is she feeling it now? If that's what this is... Perhaps it's nothing more than lingering feelings that don't belong to her.

So, the guilt and failing to protect Jude are currently warring with each other. Marui had told her they'd work through whatever happened, told her that he wouldn't be angry at her, but she can't help feeling like she's betrayed him. Worst of all, she doesn't know what to say to Marui. Or Jude.

Her body continues moving entirely on its own- like it's on autopilot, each step heavier than the last, though her breathing has calmed since earlier. Before she knows it, she's standing in front of a set of familiar wooden steps. The very stairs that she ran up the night that she decided she didn't want to be alone. It's... Marui's old treehouse. Hollow eyes cast a look around, noting that it's deserted, still, and she quietly trudges along the cold ground towards the tire swing in the back, before taking a seat on it, her body feeling heavy. Her legs unsteady.

She just needs some time to sort things out, but where does she even begin?]

[By the time Marui thinks to check his old treehouse, he's really starting to get concerned. Leia still hasn't answered his journal message, and he can't find her anywhere. He knows the dreamscape must have gotten to her pretty badly (how could it not have?), but he thought they'd agreed they'd work through it together once it was over. Did it get to her even worse than she expected? Well, maybe that's fair. It probably got to him a little more than he expected, too. Still, even if she's sought out solitude, she could probably really use a friend right now.

It's a little eerie and surreal to see his old place now; signs of its abandonment show in the unkempt deck and the cobwebbed corners.]

Hey...! [He calls from across the clearing before jogging over.] Is this where you've been? I've been looking everywhere.

[His voice startles her, pulling her from the depths of her thoughts that she'd been far too engulfed in. Her head lifting up from where it had been leaning against the tire to look in the direction that his voice came from.]

Bunta...? What are you doing here?

[It's almost unfair that he's managed to find her, she thinks. She hasn't even properly gotten her thoughts in order and has no idea what to tell him. The guilt only sinks in harder when she looks at him, seeing that expression on his face, hearing that he's apparently been searching for her. Didn't she get a journal message earlier? Was it from him?

Though she really did want to be alone, seeing him here does bring a strange mix of relief. He can't be too mad at her if he's here. Even if he did say he wouldn't get mad at her, she wonders if he'd think differently if he knew what's going through her mind, but she really doesn't know how to begin explaining anything. She was hoping the nightmare, as all nightmares, would slowly fade away before she'd see him.]

I should be the one asking you that, shouldn't I? Why didn't you come home?

[It's a neutral observation and a genuine question. Of course the surface answer is obvious: she wanted to be alone. But why did she want to be alone instead of with him?]

[She winces. And after everything he told her during the dreamscape. She agreed they'd work through it, but she just couldn't bring herself to face him quite yet.

Still.

She lowers her eyes, knowing that she did go back on what she said even though she felt she had a perfectly good reason.]

I'm... sorry. I didn't mean to worry you, I just wanted to clear my head.

[She doesn't need to look so scolded! He's just trying to understand what changed so he knows what to do. To that point, though, her ensuing explanation is constructive. He can work with that.

...He can definitely work with that.

Stepping behind her, Marui places his hands on her back and offers with subdued warmth:]

Well, no wonder you're not making much progress. Try this.

[He gently pushes to start the swing in an easy rock. Back and forth. Up and down.]

Close your eyes and hang on. I'll take care of the rest.

[If anything she's scolding herself, it's her own actions that are causing her grief and guilt. She feels herself falter a little when he gently places a hand on her back, the warmth seemingly radiating through her. It's comforting. And in a matter of seconds she feels the swing begin to rock.]

Is it really that simple?

[There's a tinge of doubt in her voice, but she also knows she has a tendency to punish herself. She feels like she owes him an explanation, or some kind of admission, and she doesn't have one. So she tries, instead, to center herself, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, as he suggests, not entirely convinced this will help. But it is worth a shot.]

It's only complicated if you make it that way.

[A callback to what he told her in the garden, because it's still true. Of course, making everything better isn't as simple as a few swings on the tire. But that's not what it's about-- it's about helping Leia get recentered. Back to the present. Back to Reverein. She needs to clear her head, and to Marui, that means having some time where she's not consumed by what they all just had to go through.

And a few swings on a tire could be very good for that.]

Doesn't it feel nice? Like leaving your cares on the ground.

[The soothing sway, the sun and the breeze on skin, the liberating sense of weightlessness, like flying. Every return, his hands receive and guide anew, controlling the pendulum of her swing. There'll be plenty of time for hugs, tears and talking later. First, what would really be nice is a mental health break.

Stop thinking. Experience Now.]

[It's not like she wants it to be complicated, or wants to feel this way... but maybe he has a point. Maybe she's just overthinking everything.

She takes a few deep breaths, feeling the breeze caress her skin.]

I think you're gonna have to push me a little harder for that.

[She manages to look back at him, forcing a smile, before turning forward and tightening her grip on the rope.

Regardless of how she feels about Jude, she really does like Marui. He's not replacing Jude, and she's not settling for him. That much is becoming clear.

And, feelings aside, maybe she had let herself get too wrapped up in possibly beating a story that was set in stone. Not much could've been done and she did her best to keep Jude safe. She could stand to beat herself up less for that, but the image of him dying next to her...

She squeezes her eyes shut to force the image out. That's going to take a little longer to leave behind. However, she could... possibly accept that it wasn't her fault. That she tried her best with what she had.

Maybe.

She takes in another deep breath and tries to stop her mind from spinning out of control.

Just. Breathe.]

[Perhaps the smile she sends his way is forced, but the small one that he returns comes naturally.]

Roger that...!

[The next push comes with more force behind it and sends the swing higher away from the ground. If it's a thrill she wants for a distraction, he can deliver on that. The next push escalates again, and for all the heaviness that was hanging around a minute ago-- and that will still need to be properly dealt with before long-- Marui feels his own mood lightening with the shift of focus to pushing the swing, and a laugh escapes.

This is fun.]

[Though she asked for it, she isn't quite prepared for her request to be acted upon so quickly, and she has to grip the rope tighter, curling her legs under the tire to keep from falling. She lets out a yelp at the suddenness, which turns into a small laugh. Well. She asked for it, and Marui delivered. And having seen his own smile eases some of her doubts.

He's really... sweet. Totally a great guy. He might tease her a lot and be annoying at times, but none of that has actually bothered her because he more than makes up for it by being understanding and kind. And fun.

Not that she'd ever embarrass herself and admit that to him. Besides, with an ego like the one he has, he probably already knows exactly how she feels about him.

It's that attitude, however, that makes her think that he won't be too mad at her. That he'd accept it.

For now, though, she just hangs tight as she soars higher and higher with each push, trying to remind herself that Jude is alive and fine. That the nightmare was just a nightmare. Things that seem relatively simple to remember when one is not overcome with grief. Sometimes brains just need that kind of reminder to get back on track.]

[It's a healthy break for both of them. He didn't make a show of it when he found her, but with the visual of that sword running her through burned into his memory, it had been difficult not to simply grab her off the swing and pull her into a tight embrace. She's more precious to him than he lets on most of the time, at least in verbal affirmations. But he trusts that she knows how he really feels about her in the gifts he finds for her, the affection in his eyes when he looks at her, and the friendship and support he offers whenever she's in need of it.

And he knows, without any verbal affirmations from her, that she feels exactly the same way. Because he sees those same signals directed back at him.

At any rate, hearing her laugh and feeling the solidity of her back on every backswing is a comfort and reminder that the nightmare is over for him, too. That hug is probably still coming, but it can wait until she's done swinging.]

[And it's a hug she wouldn't turn down. She could use one. Heck, she could use a lot of them, but whether she feels she deserves them is another story.

While the laughter is short-lived, she does find the clean air and weightlessness that the swing provides freeing. She steadies her breath, closing her eyes, and tries not to think about much else. It's difficult, of course, because she'd gotten stuck in a loop of grim thoughts and allowing the grief to eat at her a bit. Though, this is only a temporary solution. She can't swing forever, and eventually she'll have to sort out what to say- or what should be said.

As of now, she isn't sure what Marui knows, after all.]

[Indeed, it can't last forever. Eventually, Marui stops pushing and walks around front, coming to stand several feet in front of her with an adventurous grin.]

Hey, try and jump. I'll catch you.

[~~This is a bad idea.~~]

[Jump??

Her eyes widen. That might be a little tricky. Not to mention she's still not quite herself. Risking a potential injury and doing something silly doesn't quite seem right at the moment. It's not that she wouldn't. But, well. The weight's not completely lifted. She doesn't feel right.

Instead, she stills her body to slow the swing down, waiting till she doesn't have to shout to be heard. She smiles gently, amused, but clearly still troubled.]

Haha, I think I'll pass this time. But thanks for the push. I mean it...

[Ah, well. It was worth a shot. He returns her smile and approaches, offering his hand instead.]

Then, how about we have a look inside? Be like old times... I'll even make you one of my genius cakes.

[She opts for his hand without hesitation and slips out of the tire swing.]

Bet it's even messier now than it ever was when you lived in it.

[Once she's out of the swing, Marui switches hands so they can walk up with them joined. He walks towards the stairs leading up to the porch.]

Maybe. When a place is that tiny, it doesn't take much, does it?

[The heaviness is back, lingering just under the surface. He doesn't especially like the bit of tightness in his chest, but that's all the more reason to do something about it for good now. Like that night when Alvin disappeared, and she came back and stayed over. The cozy piece of wall where she sat beside him and shared her grief. It was a bad time for her, but they worked through it together.

They can do that now, too.]

[His hand is warm and welcoming, hardened by callouses from his racket. She gently squeezes his hand as they approach his old house together. It really wasn't that long ago, it just feels like it at this moment.]

No, I guess not. I've seen your room back at home.

[Her room isn't much better. In fact, it's practically the same. But she tries her best to keep it light, getting playful jabs in when she can. Even if she feels down and not like herself, she doesn't want him to feel that way.]

[The little squeeze makes him smile a little; it's welcomed and returned.]

Right? It's perfectly clean.

[It's not perfectly so, but he does pick up after himself well enough. He likes to think what does get left out adds more than it detracts. A home ought to feel cozy, after all. Lived in.

It's certainly not a sense to be had from this treehouse anymore. Somehow, it still feels welcoming to him, though. Maybe just the familiarity of it. When they reach the top of the stairs, he pushes open the door and ducks inside, looking around for any critters that might have moved in. Sure enough, under the loft it looks like some kind of gray fuzzy bugs are nestled against the wall. Bugs with... ears? Oh, wait.]

Heh! Look. Dust bunnies.

[She wouldn't call him a slob, nor would she consider herself one. There's just a few articles of clothing strewn about in her own room, along with papers, journals, knickknacks and the like. But that's what she considers lived in.

Also she just kind of hates cleaning.

The inside of the treehouse has certainly seen better days. There's dust and it looks fairly rundown despite being abandoned not too long ago. She wonders if it has something to do with dream energy no longer being present?

His words disrupt her thoughts, though, and she casts her gaze to where he's pointing.]

Those are real?!

[They seem to be. They look small and harmless, and her expression softens at the sight of them.]

They're so cute!

[Apparently they are real. What an interesting place the world of dreams can be. Marui takes a moment to appreciate the sight-- it looks like a family of them. The thought is endearing.]

They are. Well, it's good this place is getting some use. Must be like a mansion for them.

[That's a funny thought, too, as tight as it is for human inhabitants. Speaking of which--

Marui turns to the table at the front window and gently blows the dust off. Once it's cleared, he dreams up a rich chocolate cake covered with deep red frosting in a rose pattern all around it.]

Ingenious! Hey, you're gonna have some, right? It's chocolate.

[She can't help but smile. Marui's solution to everything seems to be cake. Normally, it'd be hers, too. Nothing like a heaping spoonful of sugar to lift one's spirits and help to de-stress. And she certainly doesn't want to dampen his...]

I... think I'd rather something else first.

[But it's okay to ask for a little physical affection, right? Since she woke up, everything has felt so different; strange and dream-like. The dreamscape itself was hardly a dream, so even now it's hard to tell if they're all fully awake.]

[Honestly, he was sort of expecting that. Marui had to make it for her and had to offer, but experience has taught him that she probably wouldn't feel like eating it right away.]

Well, that's fine too. [He says with quiet warmth.] It'll be there later.

[He steps back over towards her, reclaims her hand, and after a moment of appreciating the fact that he can still do that at all, takes one more step in and simply hugs her.]

Inbox; contact (IC)

[Backdated to 2/27] Aftermath of Lindwormeo & Juliet dreamscape

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject