Course I am. Isn't it ingenious not to make promises about my reaction to something that hasn't happened yet?
[He gives her a little squeeze.]
But... I can tell you this: you have as much right to live without regrets as anyone else. If you're following your heart, I'll support you 100%. Wherever it leads you.
[It's not that she's asking for his exact reaction. It's complicated. She just wants to know if he's simply accepting her 'recklessness' because she didn't actually end up hurt.
But it soon doesn't matter, because what he ends up saying is actually all she needs to know. She closes her eyes, letting that sink in for a moment, smiling softly.]
... Thanks. I think that's what I needed to hear.
[She tilts her head and plants a small kiss on his jaw before settling back against him.]
[Well, somehow or another it looks like they've gotten their messages across. Marui returns the kiss to her cheek and settles back alongside her with a smile. There's plenty that he could say, but for once he keeps his mouth closed, letting her have a minute of quiet. She's probably still trying to digest it all. As long as she knows he's here for her, she can take however long she needs.]
[The quiet understanding is... nice. Needed. Already she's feeling a little bit better. Being able to just listen to the silence, the scurrying of the dust bunnies, Marui's gentle breathing, and the wind rustling the leaves outside, she can tell her mind is clearer than it had been earlier. While it'll take time to get these images out of her head, to get over her failure, scripted or not, it all feels a little easier not being constantly plagued by thoughts and doubts.
More noticeably, is how warm her face feels after a simple exchange of kisses between them. The way her heart still beats strongly in her chest. It tells her that perhaps what she felt for Jude in that dreamscape had been more Juliet than her after all. Because what she's feeling for Marui in this moment eclipses those other feelings that seemed to persist throughout that ordeal.
She's quiet for a time, then before she knows it, she's opening her mouth, the words tumbling out.]
You know, that wasn't the first time I took a hit meant for Jude...
[She's never really spoken with anyone about this particular incident. And she doesn't quite know why she feels so inclined to do so now, but it feels relevant to her other concern regarding Jude.]
[It's a nice quiet, really. Comfortable. Marui isn't really the type to introspect or to seek out moments like this, but sitting there and cuddling together makes him feel warm inside. He's happy just having her company.
When she does break the silence, it's a curious topic she introduces. He leans forward a little so that he can see her face better when he turns his head towards her.]
[Up until now, the only people that knew all these details were Jude and Alvin. It's not particularly a great topic, for anyone involved.
But.
She takes a deep breath.]
Kind of a long story. But... at the time we thought our friend Milla, the woman that Jude's really into, had died. Jude was pretty inconsolable for days. I tried my best to take care of him and convince him to keep going, to finish what Milla started, but he wouldn't budge. He wouldn't eat, he barely slept. We all got separated shortly before, and I tried to reach out to everyone, hoping that if we regrouped and kept going that he'd at least focus on the mission.
Then Alvin showed up.
Back then Alvin was... really messed up. And not on anyone's side but his own. He lied to us a lot and betrayed us countless times, but Jude always gave him another chance. We had recently found out that our world was separated into two- Rieze Maxia and Elympios. Alvin was from Elympios and had gotten trapped in Rieze Maxia when the schism was put into place to prevent Elympios's decaying world from spreading to our own. Apparently, he made a deal with Muzet that if he killed us, she'd send him back home.
So I fought him off. I knocked the gun out of his hand right before he was about to shoot Jude, then I grabbed Jude and tried to run. Alvin and I fought for a while, with Jude still completely out of it. And just when I thought we had finally escaped, and I had managed to get through to Jude, I was shot by Alvin as I was pulling Jude to his feet. I don't really remember much after that. Jude and Alvin fought... and Alvin left.
I think he was hoping he'd just have to kill Jude and be done with it, and that would destroy our morale. But once he actually shot one of us, he realized he couldn't do it and ran off.
[There's more detail than is necessary, but she just wants to make it clear that Alvin was a different person back then. He's nothing like that now.
More importantly...]
Anyhow, I only mentioned this because I'm sure Jude feels just as bad. He's had to watch me almost die twice. But I just couldn't bring myself to confront him when I woke up.
Loyalty matters to Marui. It's a quality that he never consciously thought about in terms of his attraction to her, but one he's valued in her from the start. That prerequisite talk before officiating any status between them, when Leia made clear that she would not stand for her loyalties being tested when it came to Jude. It was ironic in a way. Rather than shake his interest in her, it more likely cemented it. It was an affirmation that her heart was as loyal as his own. Assertively so.
He's never felt an inkling of doubt about her since. He already knows she's the sort of person who would never abandon or betray the people she cares about.
To that point, it's hardly surprising to hear that the dreamscape wasn't the first time she's shown that loyalty to Jude to such a degree, though it's stunning (if a bit horrifying) to hear the specifics themselves. What a badass, though! Knocking a gun right out of someone's hand and then fighting him off while protecting a loved one. It's like something out of an action movie, and in a less serious conversation, he could easily get sucked into chasing that delicious morsel of utter coolness.
Unfortunately, there are heavier implications to the tale: Leia's loyalty throws Alvin's lack thereof into even sharper relief. He doesn't comment on it, because that's not what this conversation is about, but it's probably too much to hope that Marui will extend that same charitable outlook towards Alvin given the multiple instances of betrayal that occurred, the lack of any context for how he'd atoned for them, and the severity of the transgressions themselves.]
Leia...
[Without saying anything further about it, he takes a moment to recenter. This conversation is about Leia and Jude. Their friendship, their shared trials, and the painful memories that this dreamscape summoned up that went even beyond what Marui already knew was there. It's about the angst she's having over not going straight to Jude to talk to him about it all, either's readiness to do so be damned.]
You two have a lot of history together. Do you really need to talk about it right away? You already understand how he feels. I'm sure he understands your feelings, too. Try and give yourself some time. It's okay to do that.
[She couldn't start a conversation with Jude, at the moment, even if she wanted to because she's still not quite sure what to say.]
I also want to make sure he's okay. I imagine he's probably pretty worried too.
[And maybe that's all that needs to be said. Except it wouldn't do much good to show up while still visibly shaken. It'll just give Jude more to worry about, and potentially more to nag her over.
She leans her head against his shoulder, scooting in closer. Much like they were the last time they were sitting in this exact spot.]
But, you're right... I can stay here for a bit longer.
[Sometimes it's okay to slow down a little and get one's head straight. That's not typically what she does, though, but she can make an exception this time. Besides, being near Marui can have a calming effect on her. Sometimes. When he's not being too obnoxious.]
[Marui is nearly certain the answer to whether Jude is okay in that very moment is No. None of them are okay right now-- but they will be. Jude included.]
Jude knows better than anyone how tough you are. If he needs a reassurance, he'll send you a message. But he'd probably like some time to clear his head before talking-- just like you did. Right?
[In the meantime, Marui has a small mess of his own feelings to deal with. The dreamscape is over, but the ardency of what he feels for Leia hasn't fully returned to normal levels. Whether that's residual essence from Paris or a natural development is an open question.
Well, whatever. It'll work itself out. As long as she's taken care of, that's what matters. And she is; Marui knows he'll always see to that.]
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no subject
Huh? What does that have to do with it?
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[Because while she appreciates how understanding he is, she wants to know if there's some kind of limit.]
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I'm saying I don't understand your question. Do I still think it'd be instinct? Of course I do.
[Because of course how he feels is going to be different if she goes and actually dies on him. One situation has grief in it and the other doesn't.]
no subject
I'm asking if you'd still be as understanding.
no subject
I dunno. If it ever happens, try and ask me again.
no subject
[DOUBT.
But okay, she's teasing him. That's something at least?]
no subject
Course I am. Isn't it ingenious not to make promises about my reaction to something that hasn't happened yet?
[He gives her a little squeeze.]
But... I can tell you this: you have as much right to live without regrets as anyone else. If you're following your heart, I'll support you 100%. Wherever it leads you.
no subject
But it soon doesn't matter, because what he ends up saying is actually all she needs to know. She closes her eyes, letting that sink in for a moment, smiling softly.]
... Thanks. I think that's what I needed to hear.
[She tilts her head and plants a small kiss on his jaw before settling back against him.]
no subject
no subject
More noticeably, is how warm her face feels after a simple exchange of kisses between them. The way her heart still beats strongly in her chest. It tells her that perhaps what she felt for Jude in that dreamscape had been more Juliet than her after all. Because what she's feeling for Marui in this moment eclipses those other feelings that seemed to persist throughout that ordeal.
She's quiet for a time, then before she knows it, she's opening her mouth, the words tumbling out.]
You know, that wasn't the first time I took a hit meant for Jude...
[She's never really spoken with anyone about this particular incident. And she doesn't quite know why she feels so inclined to do so now, but it feels relevant to her other concern regarding Jude.]
no subject
When she does break the silence, it's a curious topic she introduces. He leans forward a little so that he can see her face better when he turns his head towards her.]
What happened...?
no subject
But.
She takes a deep breath.]
Kind of a long story. But... at the time we thought our friend Milla, the woman that Jude's really into, had died. Jude was pretty inconsolable for days. I tried my best to take care of him and convince him to keep going, to finish what Milla started, but he wouldn't budge. He wouldn't eat, he barely slept. We all got separated shortly before, and I tried to reach out to everyone, hoping that if we regrouped and kept going that he'd at least focus on the mission.
Then Alvin showed up.
Back then Alvin was... really messed up. And not on anyone's side but his own. He lied to us a lot and betrayed us countless times, but Jude always gave him another chance. We had recently found out that our world was separated into two- Rieze Maxia and Elympios. Alvin was from Elympios and had gotten trapped in Rieze Maxia when the schism was put into place to prevent Elympios's decaying world from spreading to our own. Apparently, he made a deal with Muzet that if he killed us, she'd send him back home.
So I fought him off. I knocked the gun out of his hand right before he was about to shoot Jude, then I grabbed Jude and tried to run. Alvin and I fought for a while, with Jude still completely out of it. And just when I thought we had finally escaped, and I had managed to get through to Jude, I was shot by Alvin as I was pulling Jude to his feet. I don't really remember much after that. Jude and Alvin fought... and Alvin left.
I think he was hoping he'd just have to kill Jude and be done with it, and that would destroy our morale. But once he actually shot one of us, he realized he couldn't do it and ran off.
[There's more detail than is necessary, but she just wants to make it clear that Alvin was a different person back then. He's nothing like that now.
More importantly...]
Anyhow, I only mentioned this because I'm sure Jude feels just as bad. He's had to watch me almost die twice. But I just couldn't bring myself to confront him when I woke up.
no subject
Loyalty matters to Marui. It's a quality that he never consciously thought about in terms of his attraction to her, but one he's valued in her from the start. That prerequisite talk before officiating any status between them, when Leia made clear that she would not stand for her loyalties being tested when it came to Jude. It was ironic in a way. Rather than shake his interest in her, it more likely cemented it. It was an affirmation that her heart was as loyal as his own. Assertively so.
He's never felt an inkling of doubt about her since. He already knows she's the sort of person who would never abandon or betray the people she cares about.
To that point, it's hardly surprising to hear that the dreamscape wasn't the first time she's shown that loyalty to Jude to such a degree, though it's stunning (if a bit horrifying) to hear the specifics themselves. What a badass, though! Knocking a gun right out of someone's hand and then fighting him off while protecting a loved one. It's like something out of an action movie, and in a less serious conversation, he could easily get sucked into chasing that delicious morsel of utter coolness.
Unfortunately, there are heavier implications to the tale: Leia's loyalty throws Alvin's lack thereof into even sharper relief. He doesn't comment on it, because that's not what this conversation is about, but it's probably too much to hope that Marui will extend that same charitable outlook towards Alvin given the multiple instances of betrayal that occurred, the lack of any context for how he'd atoned for them, and the severity of the transgressions themselves.]
Leia...
[Without saying anything further about it, he takes a moment to recenter. This conversation is about Leia and Jude. Their friendship, their shared trials, and the painful memories that this dreamscape summoned up that went even beyond what Marui already knew was there. It's about the angst she's having over not going straight to Jude to talk to him about it all, either's readiness to do so be damned.]
You two have a lot of history together. Do you really need to talk about it right away? You already understand how he feels. I'm sure he understands your feelings, too. Try and give yourself some time. It's okay to do that.
no subject
I also want to make sure he's okay. I imagine he's probably pretty worried too.
[And maybe that's all that needs to be said. Except it wouldn't do much good to show up while still visibly shaken. It'll just give Jude more to worry about, and potentially more to nag her over.
She leans her head against his shoulder, scooting in closer. Much like they were the last time they were sitting in this exact spot.]
But, you're right... I can stay here for a bit longer.
[Sometimes it's okay to slow down a little and get one's head straight. That's not typically what she does, though, but she can make an exception this time. Besides, being near Marui can have a calming effect on her. Sometimes. When he's not being too obnoxious.]
no subject
Jude knows better than anyone how tough you are. If he needs a reassurance, he'll send you a message. But he'd probably like some time to clear his head before talking-- just like you did. Right?
[In the meantime, Marui has a small mess of his own feelings to deal with. The dreamscape is over, but the ardency of what he feels for Leia hasn't fully returned to normal levels. Whether that's residual essence from Paris or a natural development is an open question.
Well, whatever. It'll work itself out. As long as she's taken care of, that's what matters. And she is; Marui knows he'll always see to that.]